Why I need to stop living life to the full

I’m going to stop living life to the full. (At least for a little while.)

No, this is not the kind of thing you’re supposed to say, but you know what? I’m tired of being tired.

Throughout my first year in London, one of the things I loved most, and couldn’t argue with, was having the option to go out every night. And I did tons of great things: I saw so many shows I lost count, I visited some brilliant places, and I hardly missed any opportunities that were presented to me. However, I no longer wish to take up that option – at least not every night.

I do not remember the last time I ironed something with my hair straighteners, let alone an actual iron. It means there are two piles of clothes in my wardrobe that I cannot wear, and it leaves me rotating through one pile of stuff that is acceptable to throw on and wear straight from the wash. I have accidentally created a weekly work uniform, simply because there are so few tops that fit this category.

My housemate came into my room today, and started laughing when she saw me flat-packing the boxes of three Easter eggs and a swiss roll. (‘I came through thinking, “I’ll talk to Lauren, she has her life together!”’) This is how I sustain myself when there is no time to cook. I’m not great at being an adult.

I cannot stop falling asleep. I fell asleep during a key episode of Once Upon a Time last night – my only night in for the past two weeks – which doesn’t exactly have terrible consequences, but it means it’s taking a hell of a long time to get through season two.

Slightly worse was falling asleep in the theatre, three rows from the front, during Tabletop Shakespeare. One time I opened my eyes and the guy telling us the story of As You Like It was looking right at me, clearly either a) thinking I’m a philistine, or b) thinking he was doing a terrible job. I’m sorry, poor man! It wasn’t you, it’s me! Me and my tired eyes.

Last weekend, I went to Marbella for one of my oldest friends’ hen weekends. (More on this later.) It was brilliant, but I sort of envisaged going out at night and lying by the pool during the day. I forgot about the hotel breakfast. Hotel breakfasts are a strange thing: excellent, in that they provide pastries, meat and cheese at one meal; and awful in that they give you a sleeping deadline. I didn’t want to miss it though, so I missed a lot of sleep instead.

I used to say, ‘You’ll sleep when you’re dead!’ The sentiment is a good lesson, but I’ve now realised that if I don’t give myself enough time to recharge the batteries, I’m going to get cranky. I’m going to fall asleep in the middle of things. And it will actually prevent me from living life to the full anyway!

My head is a complete mess, manifesting itself in real life in the piles of clothes around my room, the dry ‘washing’ on the clothes horse that I haven’t taken down yet, the receipts scattered around that I pull out my handbag last minute when I realise how messy it is. It’s in the letter I’ve still to reply to, the suitcase I STILL haven’t unpacked, the blog that hasn’t had any attention for two weeks (and this now rambling post), and the Gü dessert that had to go in the bin because it passed its expiry date.

[The latter is perhaps, quite frankly, the situation that shocked me most. Desserts don’t get anywhere near their expiry if I’m around. They don’t get – whisper it – thrown away. I am not this person! Then again, skipping desserts almost became necessary (ha ha, not really), as my gym thought I was no longer a member, presumably because I’m hardly ever there.]

So yes, I have had enough. One weekday evening is reserved for the gym and blogging. One weekend day is reserved for nothing (and if not possible, this must be swapped for a week night). I do not need to attend absolutely every event, even if a silent disco at the Cutty Sark sounds like one of the best nights out ever. I am going to start taking care of myself, and if that means occasionally having to postpone things, or even missing Shakespeare acted out by condiments, then it will be worth it in the long run.

Anyway, I need to go and get ready!

(Yes, I am out tonight. I will relax tomorrow, I promise.)

Hope you’re all having a good weekend!


10 thoughts on “Why I need to stop living life to the full

  1. Am I Thirty? says:

    Being a “Yes Man” sounds good in theory but everyone has their limits. You can’t completely exhaust yourself trying to do everything. It’s not possible. It’s a good thing you realized it. There’s nothing wrong with staying in once in awhile.

    • Lauren, Wake Up Your Luck says:

      I have been so determined not to miss anything that I’m just missing other things! (Sleep, non-creased clothes, etc.) This week I have had two nights in, so I’m gradually getting back to things that I think I need for my sanity – blogging, TV even and (who’d have thought it) some time at the gym…

  2. mrnasrinasir says:

    I agree with you too. Previously, once during those college years, I had a motto to live my life to the fullest and have fun. I was a home person – so I decided to get out of my shell , started networking and learning to be more sociable, going out to parties, made a lot of new friends (who are now celebrities in TV or models), and by a few months, I was going so fast, and non-stop.The fact that I’m staying with my parents, gave me even more freedom to do what I want, go back any time I wanted. I was on a rollercoaster ride, and I didn’t want to stop but the down side was this. I’ve wasted a lot of time and money having fun.

    I also couldn’t recognize myself, the one who loves to sit at home, and watch TV, have enough sleep, just spending time with myself, blog.

    I’ve stopped and learnt to say no and stop saying YES to every opportunity, and realized that those party days have long passed, and now I’m happy with being just who I am focused on being a better person, for me and my family. I still think it’s okay to have fun once a while. Balance is key, just like thisthatandtheotherthang commented. 🙂

    • Lauren, Wake Up Your Luck says:

      I think this is often something people do at college. I lived at home for the first two years, so perhaps I am making up for it here!

      I think what you’ve said about not being able to recognise yourself is so true. This isn’t 100% me, and while I enjoy most of it, I am an introvert and need that me time to stay sane. Thank you for the thoughtful comment!

  3. tj6james6 says:

    Just reading about you going out every night makes me tired!
    I’m a homebody through and through, but a good deal of that could be because I’ve seen most of what there is to do around here from being a tourist with visiting family, and being new to it myself at one time.
    That said, I couldn’t go out every single night! When would I sleep? When would I get any reading done? Or the laundry? Or spend time with my boyfriend or roomie? When would I have the time to bead or braid or color? When would I get to visit with all my followers and those I follow? Sure, there’s my smartphone but Canada pays the highest cell rates in the industrialized nations so I only do that if I can get on Wi-fi. Besides it’s rude to be out with friends or family and spend most of your time on your phone anyway.
    Enjoy your ‘you’ time. It sounds like you are in desperate need of some.

    • Lauren, Wake Up Your Luck says:

      All of those questions – they’re what I’m starting to ask myself! When can I get everything done? And I admit now that I can’t. I’ve had an evening all to myself tonight, and it has been lovely. Thank you for stopping by!

  4. thisthatandtheotherthang says:

    I wholeheartedly agree with you, hon! I used to have a serious case of FOMO–I had to go to every event, every party, every concert and bar and game. I didn’t want to miss out on anything. I hated saying “no.” But with the fun, came the constant state of exhaustion. I was doing so many things that I didn’t have any time for myself, which was not so great. I think that with anything, balance is key and you shouldn’t feel bad ever for taking care of yourself. You know it’s serious when you can’t make it through OUAT. 😉 I’m obsessed btw. SOOOO GOOD!!!! #TeamHemmaForLife

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