I’m going to stop living life to the full. (At least for a little while.)
No, this is not the kind of thing you’re supposed to say, but you know what? I’m tired of being tired.
Throughout my first year in London, one of the things I loved most, and couldn’t argue with, was having the option to go out every night. And I did tons of great things: I saw so many shows I lost count, I visited some brilliant places, and I hardly missed any opportunities that were presented to me. However, I no longer wish to take up that option – at least not every night.
I do not remember the last time I ironed something with my hair straighteners, let alone an actual iron. It means there are two piles of clothes in my wardrobe that I cannot wear, and it leaves me rotating through one pile of stuff that is acceptable to throw on and wear straight from the wash. I have accidentally created a weekly work uniform, simply because there are so few tops that fit this category.
My housemate came into my room today, and started laughing when she saw me flat-packing the boxes of three Easter eggs and a swiss roll. (‘I came through thinking, “I’ll talk to Lauren, she has her life together!”’) This is how I sustain myself when there is no time to cook. I’m not great at being an adult.
I cannot stop falling asleep. I fell asleep during a key episode of Once Upon a Time last night – my only night in for the past two weeks – which doesn’t exactly have terrible consequences, but it means it’s taking a hell of a long time to get through season two.
Slightly worse was falling asleep in the theatre, three rows from the front, during Tabletop Shakespeare. One time I opened my eyes and the guy telling us the story of As You Like It was looking right at me, clearly either a) thinking I’m a philistine, or b) thinking he was doing a terrible job. I’m sorry, poor man! It wasn’t you, it’s me! Me and my tired eyes.
Last weekend, I went to Marbella for one of my oldest friends’ hen weekends. (More on this later.) It was brilliant, but I sort of envisaged going out at night and lying by the pool during the day. I forgot about the hotel breakfast. Hotel breakfasts are a strange thing: excellent, in that they provide pastries, meat and cheese at one meal; and awful in that they give you a sleeping deadline. I didn’t want to miss it though, so I missed a lot of sleep instead.
I used to say, ‘You’ll sleep when you’re dead!’ The sentiment is a good lesson, but I’ve now realised that if I don’t give myself enough time to recharge the batteries, I’m going to get cranky. I’m going to fall asleep in the middle of things. And it will actually prevent me from living life to the full anyway!
My head is a complete mess, manifesting itself in real life in the piles of clothes around my room, the dry ‘washing’ on the clothes horse that I haven’t taken down yet, the receipts scattered around that I pull out my handbag last minute when I realise how messy it is. It’s in the letter I’ve still to reply to, the suitcase I STILL haven’t unpacked, the blog that hasn’t had any attention for two weeks (and this now rambling post), and the Gü dessert that had to go in the bin because it passed its expiry date.
[The latter is perhaps, quite frankly, the situation that shocked me most. Desserts don’t get anywhere near their expiry if I’m around. They don’t get – whisper it – thrown away. I am not this person! Then again, skipping desserts almost became necessary (ha ha, not really), as my gym thought I was no longer a member, presumably because I’m hardly ever there.]
So yes, I have had enough. One weekday evening is reserved for the gym and blogging. One weekend day is reserved for nothing (and if not possible, this must be swapped for a week night). I do not need to attend absolutely every event, even if a silent disco at the Cutty Sark sounds like one of the best nights out ever. I am going to start taking care of myself, and if that means occasionally having to postpone things, or even missing Shakespeare acted out by condiments, then it will be worth it in the long run.
Anyway, I need to go and get ready!
(Yes, I am out tonight. I will relax tomorrow, I promise.)
Hope you’re all having a good weekend!